Dare to Make Mistakes

Where do I begin? Well I must say that it is a beautiful thing, to look at someone who is one half of you, someone who you have to teach, someone who is going to be there forever and a love so unconditional, it's shocking. I can admit you could never be prepared enough, no matter how many books you may have read or how many personal stories were told to you, motherhood is definitely a challenge.

The first feeling I felt was " this can't be real," even 'til this day, nearly 10 months later, it's shocking and weird for me to say " I am a mother." Not to say I'm shameful in anyway, but for some reason I still feel like I am a teenager. But for someone who has not been under their parents wing for years, I consider myself an adult. It is such an eye opener when you transition into being a parent. You slowly start to realize what exactly was given up & you realize how much patience you have to build up. There has been times where it really hit me, and I mean hit me really hard. But then I look at him and it all makes sense. Though I did realize that things will never be the same, I do realize that my life is not over, as so many people may say. There were so many things i did know as to helping with my baby brother and there were plenty things I had to learn. And with that the criticism emerges. One thing I had to also realize was that no matter what there's someone with an opinion. Being surrounded by mothers, fathers, grandparents the critiques were there and I easily found myself becoming annoyed and frustrated. I was told to do things a certain way from one person, told to do it another by a different person and it just went round and round, that I really had to stop and do what me and my significant other thought was a better decision. With that i was also looked at as a "bad" mother at one point. In fact I was told "maybe it's cause you are a new mother," and THAT was when I realized that people can do nothing but talk based solely on what they see; a prime example of judging a book by its cover. No matter what I knew was happening and how I knew I was being the best mother I could, if seen going out too much, I was degraded to a "bad mother." No matter how much I knew I was working hard for him, no matter how I knew that he was all there was, it was triumphed by what people have seen or read. Unfair? maybe. But that's the life we live in. From that day on I realized that no one is perfect, though I wanted to be that. I did leave an occasional wipe out or a bib, but guess what shit happens right? And to my knowledge those were all man-made things, so if they were not to exist you find a different alternative correct? yeah that's what I thought as well. I mean it is what it is at the end of the day, i just always keep in mind that someone is always watching.

Everything I have put my effort into has been for my son. He is the reason I'm trying my hardest to get where I want to be, to give him everything I was able to have and more. My family means the world.