so0o cliche

feels as if its been forever since ive last written anything. well here i am. i would said that im eager bout this one but honestly im not. jst havent been in the mood lately for anything. times are harder than i could have ever imagined; but i am getting through the hardships. Ever hear that common cliche "things happen for a reason." Usually heard by others when something goes wrong that cant be explained. And there youre sitting waiting for some sort of understanding but nothing can be explained. then you here "things happen for a reason." why do ppl say this? jst because it offers some sort of ease? i guess so. though im not too big of a believer of that statement. honestly i think it doesnt mean anything. sometimes i sit and even question the higher being in the matter. i find me asking myself all types of questions "why me" , "why this" , "why that", not being able to encounter one possible good reason for why things are kinda rolling down a hill for me. then i become enraged with such anger and tears of frustration for never knowing. and when people say that theres a reason for it i could do nothing but shake my head in some sort of disbelief.

jst my opinion.

i just wanna scream!

NIKETOWN New York :: employed for a little over then a year and a half. I WANT TO SCREAM EVERY TIME I WAKE UP KNOWING I HAVE TO GO TO WORK. . .Sad. . . i kno. but you have no clue how much my blood pressure rises every time a damn European tourist stands 2ins away from my face saying "thirty-tree" using their fingers to show me it too. smfh. umm. must you stand in my face? i can hear you perfectly fine a feet away or two, no need to smell your nasty breathe in my face.

" ok jst wait 5 mins for your shoe to come up. ok?"
"huh"
" FIVE MINUTES"
"huh"
they never understand me. so i have to hold up my hand and then point to my wrist.
" oh i wait here"

yeah dumbass. sheesh.

1 MINUTE LATER....

"umm...where is mi shoe? you go get it?"
"i jst told you it takes 5mins"
"i wait here ten minutes already"

yeah yeah yeah. its only been a effen minute and all they can do is complain. and stare at you like youre suppose to move or at least stop the world and get their shoe personally for them. NO. i AM NOT ur servant, you are NOT in Europe or where ever the hell you come from! and DONT you effen snap your fingers at me like im suppose to jump and say " yes ma'dam" hell to the motha effen NO.....

so i work in the kids department. when i first got the job i was ecstatic. wanted to go to work everyday. helped every customer with a smile. heck i even sold and put my stupid little name stickers jst to amp up my numbers which mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! cause i def. dont get commission. but all that changed now. i dread being there with snotty ass uppity ppl who thinks cause they work in a motha effen corporate office, and their child plays tennis, or fences, or squash theyre better than everybody. NO biatch! the world does not rule around you and ur motha effen child that doesnt wanna even listen to you because you jst got them a damn new iphone after failing in school. but nope BILLY needs new sneakers. shut the eff up.

yea i might be sounding a little hostile right now. but thats cause i jst got in from work and that damn place stressed me the hell out. people dont wanna say hi to me wen i greet them. i smile to acknowledge them they look at me like im crazy. i ask them if they need help they dont answer me. but the minute i effen walk away and no one is there to help you , you wanna run and complain to a manager. you lucky i cant curse your ass out. cuz y'all sure be pressing my buttons.

"can i get this in his size?" ...umm so i can jst look at him and say hes an effen 12Y in sneakers. NO. i cant. you telling me that you dnt know your kids size?

"well can we measure him?" ..yeah sure have his stinky ass feet smell up the whole 4th floor why dnt cha. and dnt try and front like that aint your son either.

-" ma'am hes measuring a 4"
"well thats weird hes wearing a 5, lets jst go with a 5 or 5 and a half to be on the safe side"...mothaeffer did i not ask you for his shoe size. you jst told me that you aint kno it. wtf so you jst want me to find the measure thingy bend down near stinky feet so you can tell me you know his damn size already? you GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

oh no and lets not let his size in a shoe be sold out GOD FORBID! cuz then all hell breaks loose. and the ranting and the complaining goes on....blahblahblahblahblahblah... umm. so you done now? i mean if i really wanna be nice ...yea i can see if we can order it online for you. sureeeee why not?

why are you guys letting your kids jst throw the balls around? you see them knocking stuff over. you see me have a stern face. you see me bending over to fix things your child just messed up. what the efffffff!!!!!

so can you tell me wats the point in asking me if this shoe is good for tennis, if you gonna take that Air Force 1 neway? sure go ahead. increase the chances of your child twisting their ankle. and lemme guess youll probably come back and try to fire my ass right? smmfh.

LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT! NIKETOWN DOES NOT CARRY EVERY TYPE OF NIKE EVER MADE NOR WAT IS IN OTHER STORES! and we DONT CARRY SBs why the hell are you getting mad at me cause you cant find the shoe you were interested in? yes ladies and gents you have just entered the kids department where we have VERY few sneakers. either you pick something or you dnt. no need to say " yall NIKETOWN. yall suppose to have everything " umm excuse me? if that was the case wats the point in having other retailer selling nike products? We started off as a running company so if you run, come to niketown, youll find all the help you need. umm. want to find those air max 95 that you seen on some chick, youre probably better off staying in your hood. and NO ladies and gents we do not have apparel, shoes, accessories for every sport invented in mankind.

you see me helping a customer why are you interrupting me? why are you getting upset jst because you dont speak english and i could barely understand you? why must you try on the same shirt in EVERY COLOR. try one on first see if you like it then pick a color you might like. no need to mess up the pile of t-shirts. so you jst gonna throw the shoes in the box and jst leave?? why the hell you pick out 50 things you want to try on and not take one item, but leave all your nasty shyt in the fitting rooms. on the floor. is that how yall live at home? why is your foundation on a white t-shirt? ewwwwww why the hell is there blood on those clothes.

i think i made my point.

although. i did kinda have some great moment at Nike. seen a couple of "stars" even though i aint know who they were til later. had nice customers here and there. if it was like that all the time i would love to work. why not? made my amazing friends there. . .


ahhhhhhhh!!!!! just smile.

Allow Me if you Please.

Allow me to run from this pain.
Hide from all this confusion, destruction and disdain.
Allow me to scream out the top of my lungs,
saying everything I've wanted to finish but only begun.
Allow me to reminisce of memories in the past,
becuz those were the ones that I've always wanted to last.
Allow me to wear my mask,
and cover my face,
cuz I rather u not see the emotions I've embraced.
Allow me to fall without being caught,
I wanna realize my errors, my faults.
And if u must, allow me, to be me,
for who I am, for who I wanna b,
cuz wen u choose for me,
I allow myself to b overcome by defeat.


jst something i wrote.

world of fashion

i mean im not the big fashion type or critic at that and maybe i shouldnt have anything to say bout this subject. So does anyone mind telling me when exactly did this whole Gucci or Louis Vuitton fashion come from, that i have to see every guy or girl in the hood rocking that hard? You guys know what im talking bout. The ladies with the their speedy 25s or 30s probably wearing a pair of uggz too or maybe jst chugging that damn bag in the club with them, as if it was a clutch. im sorry i actually want to dance at the party and not worry bout making sure my picture is taken with my $700 bag that isnt unique at all because a million other girls have the same one. its a classic style that probably would never change. is that the reason most of these chicks buy that one? cause if you were really into this whole fashion thing, wouldnt you be rocking the new bags of every season. i mean you got money right at least thats the image you tryna portray, but nope you stick to something thats safe. .... lmao0. so back to this uggz thing . why these girls have to wear a pair of those Victoria Secret PINK collection sweats, a sweater and a trucker hat? pleaseeee someone tell me. i mean its probably just me again , but ehhh its whatever. And lets not forget this Gucci stuff too. So you guys havent noticed the infamous red and green stripes on the hats, laced up shoes and leather belt all worn with the same outfit cause theyre tryna promote for the store, you know probably some secret job or something. lol. yeah right. i think what made me laught the most, was when i saw an episode of BET 106& park, and this guy was singing a song i think called "gucci" and definitely waved his gucci rag around in the air, then into the crowd. he knows he went to get it back from whoever caught it. lol

so guys, when you where this stuff im sure your head is full of gas, cause you think you fly as well, yuh swagger right and all. youre paying lots of money for the respect? so ppl can say damn he fly? cause some of yall jst have the gear, yall aint cute and that name brand shyt aint making you cute either. so0o0 who you tryna impress? who in the effen world gives a flying shyt wth hell you got on, unless of course its the same ppl like you, tryna show off for the world, i presume. or is it for the ladies? you tryna find wifey in those shoes? umm. sry to break it to yuh but youre only probably going to attract a gold digger. thats right! the type of girl thats materialistic and wants all the "finer" things in life. lol. and wont even try talking to you if you told her that you aint have a car. smh. that is a damn shame. i mean there is a small possiblity you might actually find someone genuine enough not to care. like me! hehehe. sike! but go on keep spending yuh checks on them shyts, and pulling your Louis V. wallet at the Louis V. store leaving with that good o' Jackson in there. but dont worry that chick you bagged the other day probably give yuh some money, cuz you absolutely charmed her with your clothes. hehehe.

what is it with leggings? i mean, damn i could sure do a pair of leggings any day, man, theyre comfortable, of course with a shirt that is passed the bottom of my ass. no need to put that all out there. so lets talk about the different types of ways these ladies are wearing this fashion thing. ok maybe i should be the one to say that leggings are usually thin and no ladies we do not need to know that you have panties on, wear some that dont show them damn panty-lines. and i stress this one, if your body aint appealing to look at wear something below that thing you call a butt. Yeah those sheer leggings, no good. theyre SHEER lik wtf dont you get, yeah you showing all yuh goodies. sheesh. then you wanna rant bout these guys that are being rude calling you a bitch from down the block cuz you aint give them no play. lmfao0. i shake my head at that one.

why are you wearing rain boots if its not suppose to rain? why does your jacket, your denim, your shirt, your bag, and your shoes not to mention sometimes your hair, have to be the same color? so why do you wear heels on the regular. i guess theyre way more comfortable then a pair of NIKEs full of cushioning and zoom air around the entire midsole. (lmao0) but then again those are the ones wearing that Louis bag.

Ok. theres nothing wrong with weave yeayeayea go ahead and strut your stuff down the block. ive seen some done really well and others that well maybe you should eff your stylist up cuz damn boo, you looking fucked up. theres no need for me to see the braids underneathe the sewn in hair. so whats up with this whole wave thing for guys. i see them jst taking pictures of their waves, and saying they have the best ones...? huh? umm. ok why cant you jst get a nice low hair cut.

damn theres so many different situations i can speak upon. but i rather not take up my time.. i mean if you go it you got it. splurge, i guess. maybe ill speak more in later blogs...im tired.

just smile (=

blah.

alright so this is just going to be a really random one just because we have company over right now and there are so many different convos going on and honestly im not paying attention because i have madd shyt on my mind. Like i dont understand why certain things just dont seem to be working out for me. i dont quite understand what i can do to make shyt work or to make everything erase from my head and start from scratch. ive been noticing my temper has been getting out of control and every little thing just annoy me and i end up getting upset. i realize that i have made my mistakes, and others as well. but for some reason it isnt easy for me to forget. i think i made the step to forgive but theres always something wrong. why cant i jst be fine and smile. it has become overwhelming. everything that has happened to me im not sure where i am going and i dont know if i can even make it through. im not sure if i take out my anger on a certain person cause they are right there. its like a fight within myself that i seem to take control of. i wish i can go back. probably like everyone else in the world except those who believe "things happen for a reason" my mind is actually all over the place. and my heart? who knows. i dnt know why they are always at war with each other like cant they get it together? sheesh i freaking through my phone against the wall the other day. i dnt think that was good. but it aggrevates me when someone isnt trying to listen or even trying period. ugh you guys probably have no idea wat im talking bout but yeah.

so its Fab vs. jay-z vs lil wayne. arguments. ugh. smh. wtf. smfh. stfu. lol. ttyl.